drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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