once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
