She said her name was "party"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
