he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
