My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
