I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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