In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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