i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
