We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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