lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
