What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
