So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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