Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
