She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
