Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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