I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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