I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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