While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
