Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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