can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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