im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
