remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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