Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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