Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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