he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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