White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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