i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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