I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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