man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
