If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
