If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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