just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this will be a night to untag.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
