you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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