I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
