At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
