you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
