Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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