Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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