I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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