i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
