If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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