Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
