fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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