I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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