I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
