I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
