i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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