I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
