Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
