My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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