rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
