I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
