I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
