My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
