Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
