i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
