my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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