never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
