i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
