I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
