I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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