A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
