matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
