Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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