You work out of a Hotel?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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