if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
