If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
