you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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