I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
