never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
