i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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