"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
