Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
