Me. At least after what I've been through.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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