her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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