At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
