just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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