weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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