i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
