Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
